Art by Simon Stalenhag
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Mark
Twain
Something happened and now I am feeling strange and I cannot shake the feeling. I cannot explain it. It is as if I am in a bubble. This description does not fit at all but maybe there is no word available in the English or any other language to explain. How can a disappointment, misunderstanding and betrayal make me feel so unreal like I am in a bubble or another dimension?
Maybe my perception has changed. Perception of what? I do not really know. Maybe the perception of my whole reality or of what I think is real. It is as if this experience has outreached and encompassed everything like a giant amoeba swallowing everything, the present, the past, the future, every thought.
I should be celebrating that those two are off my back. Two less burdensome, toxic, unrelated to anything people. They are not toxic per se, but their betrayal is. They betrayed me and my trust. Now we can no longer be friends. I should be glad. I should be celebrating.
What bewildered me was the stupidity of the betrayal, happening behind my back they "conspired", "plotted" probably laughing at me (or not laughing at) my immaturity. I guess they have their story and I have mine. I just know that mine is not going to end up in a loop.
It is a good thing, though, that such betrayals do not last forever or for too long. Bitterness can linger on which is a downside. I can try and suppress the resentment, grudge-holding or bitterness but they will surface in the form of anger or bouts of rage.
I do not want to bear this grudge or harbour toxic feelings towards anyone because these can only harm me and not those who are the source of pain. Anger, grudge - the loop or a snake that swallows its own tail. No matter what the feeling or how negative or positive it might be, it does not last forever. It could though if we let the poison of it linger on in our hearts. Break the loop with self-respect and love if you are able to love the cause of your pain.
But the anger needs to play its part and run its course. If repressed it will transform itself into poisonous bitterness.
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