A PITCH BLACK NIGHT III

 Don`t you feel relieved when walking down or up the street at night there's no one there to walk behind you or towards you? If there were, it could be a serial killer or a pervert. Streets are not what they used to be. I have headaches sometimes of such proportions I think my head is going to explode. I don't know, it must be the weather. I just can't stand people asking me all sorts of questions, that also gives me a headache. I tried to call my therapist the other day. He didn't respond. I saw he saw my message, I feel like being ghosted by a girl. Why would he do that when I pay him well. I guess they are also crazy like us. Drinking, taking drugs, destroying relationships. Everyone is sick I guess. I can't` wait for H. any longer. I feel so drained.

The toad watches the moon. It doesn't know anything. What an enviable situation, to be a toad, knowing nothing, oblivious of time, space, stars. Like living in a gutter. Not knowing if it`d day or night. Never had much confidence. I bet that toad has more confidence than me. I take a deep breath. I am swamped here. Stranded. I am walking away. Can`t wait, no patience. The air is getting cooler, chiller. Chills blowing up my coat. What a coat that was once. My life, once. It was once different. Promising. The toad jumps back into the water. Will I see it again?